Morphine

I am coming out of a very busy time in my life. I literally feel as if I am going through detox, like the same kind of therapy a person receives after coming of a drug or habit. I used to judge people who did drugs and all but I had an experience last year that changed my perspective. (Your mind really must being going right now : ) I got really really sick this time last year. It was actually a result of my busy life style. I got mono worse than my doctor had ever seen. It came on me really abruptly one day and I had to be take to the hospital. At the hospital they could not figure out what was gong on so they just decided to put me on some good ole morphine. Now look I don't know if you have ever been in some serious pain but the drug made me forget about everything. It was awesome...I am not going to lie. But let me tell you what was not cool...when they turned it off! I have never literally wanted to hurt someone more in my life. All that pain cam rushing back... and I was REALLY mad! I have never been through a real detox situation but this was slightly like it. My body hurt and even longed to have the drug back in my system to numb the pain. But you can not live on morphine.
I believe busy lifestyles and hectic schedules can do the same to the pain of relational loneliness. God created us to be relational because He is relational and we are made in His image! But instead of getting out there and being vulnerable enough to enter into relationships with people we take in what I like to call "relational morphine" like MySpace, Facebook, Blogs, TV shows, and being way to in the know with celeberty lives. We are too busy to build in time for people so we settle for relationships that are built behind a TV screen or computer screen. These kind of relationships are superficial and far too easy! They numb the loneliness and the pain we feel and rob us from becoming desperate enough to get out there and meet people! Why do I believe "Friends" was such the hit show, because we all deeply long for that! And I believe God deeply desires that for us!
My body had to come of the drug to properly heal. I had to feel the pain so I knew I need to slow down, rest and experience true healing. This has been taking place not just in my phsical body but my spiritually and emotionally as well. I have had to come off the lifestyle I was living...slow down...feel some pain...feel the emptiness and build relationships again. So friends are good. People are good. It is refreshing to just be able to get to know people and learn to love them and be invested in their lives! I am thankful for good friends.
Anyway all that to say we have been blessed with some awesome friends...new and old!Don't give up on people! God designed us to be with people...yes even more so than the ones we live with! Isolated lives do not glorify God! How can we reach others if we are not brave enough to get to know them? Besides being a blessing to others God fulfills us in ways unimaginable through others. He speaks in many ways...through prayer, His Word...but if I look back I have heard His voice most often through the mouth of a trusted friend!

A Refuge in Battle

The other night Mark and I watched, "Enemy at the Gates" (well I watched half of it). In the opening scene, you see young Russian soldiers being loaded into a box car. They know they are going into battle, but they are not quit sure of what to expect. The camera pans to the boys faces as the car door opens. Their faces are in shock and terror as they stare out on to what is in front of them. They are pale and white.Before they can begin to lasso their mounting fears, they are grabbed by officers and thrown out of the car. The camera turns to show a dark and explosive battle front. The train had literally dropped them off at the front line of the battle. As they unloaded from the car they were being shot at in every direction.

I can not help but feel like Mark and I have been hurled out of a box car and thrown into battle this month! The battle has not been an obvious one, like a job loss or illness in the family, it has been a battle of the mind and spirit. There are times when I believe that you can allow the enemy in your life by letting your guard down (which we have learned to be even more cautious of!), but then there are the times when the enemy just out right declares war on you! Many times, I have asked God to remove us from this time and place. He has not. Hopes have grown dim, confusion has increased, patience has run its coarse, money has gotten tighter, feelings have been hurt and plans have unfolded. I have looked to my Father (I know which one move He could end this battle) but instead He has handed over battle gear and said,"I am teaching you to fight". Yes, I know the war has already been won, but the battle is rough! It is easy to write about what God has taught me in the high points this month, but I have to be honest, there have been more lows than highs.
I have learned more than ever what it means to say that God is my REFUGE!Through this battle, I have seen Him in new places and have felt Him closer than ever before. Today He gave me a sweet retreat. My sister and I took off and went driving. I don't know if you noticed but it was an absolutely beautiful day! Today He took me out of battle and let me retreat in His absolute glory! The beginning of fall is amazing! It was so good to just be outside...to just be in God's creation! I have attached some pictures.
If you too are in battle retreat in His arms! Take time, this change in season, to just sit and be still. Let His own beauty bring rest to your soul...

Be STRONG and COURAGEOUS!

My favorite scene in one of my favorite movies, "You've got Mail", Kethleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) is advised by her secret admirer, Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) that to save her business she must "go to the mattresses". As anyone who has seen the Godfather (which I have not) that means...FIGHT! I watch this movie almost every year. This year for some reason I identified with the main character Kathleen more than ever before....
Somewhere in my journey with God I have become very weak. I remember when I first became a Christian in high school, my friends and I would do the craziest things. We would pray in the cafeteria before school for our campus. We would sign petitions, meet at coffee houses and worship. We randomly walked up to people and shared the gospel. I even had a goal that with every paper I wrote in high school I would share my faith some how. We were defiantly weird...(Praise God for the amazing friends I had in high school!)
Sometimes I look back at the things we did and think, "we were so immature. Didn't we know that you couldn't just share your faith randomly...there must be a relationship...Didn't we know that we probably annoyed the people at the coffee house more than we pointed them to God?!hmmm...." Although you know what! We were doing something! I am convicted that so much of my faith is talk now! Although God has taught me many new truths and ways to reach people...I feel as if that gave me an excuse not to do anything.
A familiar verse, Joshua 1:9, says "Have I not commanded you,Be strong and courageous do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord God is with you wherever you go." I personally think there should be an exclamation mark at the end of that sentence! That is a strong promise!
For too long I have not been strong nor courageous. I have been paralized by the fear of doing something for God that was not His plan. What if I heard Him wrong? What if this is not what he called me to do? What if blah blah blah.... At the core of all of this is FEAR. Fear is a paralyzing weakness that the enemy has used in my life to almost take the voice of God and manipulate it. It sounds so close to the truth! "I could mess up God's plan...no God is all powerful. "I could mess up God's plan for my life"... no I am His child and surrendered to Him. See yea, I could mess up everything through sin, but through trying to follow Jesus....no way! (Know that I say all of these things as if they are my own but they are really my interpretation of what God has been speaking through my husband the last couple of months. He has truly fought in the trenches for me!)
So all that to say....Are you to paralyzed my fear? Are you afraid of doing what you think God has called you to do or an idea you think God gave you for the good of the Kingdom? Rebuke those thoughts! They enemy is who gives fear! God says be STRONG and COURAGEOUS because HE is with you! It is time as believers we "go to the mattresses" and fight! We need to stand up and take action with out fear...because dear friends...God is with us!